[quote=“BlueHeron, post:800, topic:67”]Hi everyone,
This is a re-introduction. I used to post here with great frequency and was a moderator for a while.
In the past five/six years I have changed a lot! It’s actually kind of fascinating to realize how much you can change over a few years, especially when internally you feel the same and retain a lot of the same basic beliefs. [/quote]
Blue Heron, thanks for letting me know that I am not alone! Your words comfort me so much!
I am not here to challenge anyone anymore. I am here to learn this different worldview, especially when I realized just how much, in my professional world, I actually share some, though not all, values here.
In the end, my observations take me to a different viewpoint. But I now can learn with the Wisdom I have to respect my Values, as I still retain my Values with my Family. Thanks for helping me Resolve these issues. I shall NOT withdraw from the community. Instead, I shall remain a part of it, but now with the Knowledge of knowing how to function.
When I fell apart at the age of 18, when I first came to this Site, I had not gone to high school yet. That was in 2007. Homeschooled since then, and struggling in school. I returned to public high school at age 19, in 2007. High school, in many ways, was basically an “Escape” to me–a holding tank. I developed a social identity and thrived there, though, learning from my previous struggles. I graduated at 2010, at the age of 21.
In truth, what bothers me is the dissonance between my experiences and the experiences here on this Site. I do not Share in the Misery of living within Civ, rather, Rewilding causes me pain. Yes, I know that civilization is only 10,000 years old. But I’m in my 20s, age-wise, and it’s all I know. It’s my Community and my Family.
At the same time, like I said, I’ve built ties with Indigenous communities as well. Amazingly, these forums cause me Pain, yet so many of their values give me Hope. And amazingly, many of their Views cause me to Contradict the views here. Yes, civ is only 10,000 years old, but if the Indigenous communities view time cyclically, as my Indigenous friends do, what does that mean? Is this not another example of maintaining a value of Civ? I have grown to feel that this is not “either/or” just like light can be equally a particle, or a wave. Some things are linear, some are cyclical.
But does that make me sub-human? That because of my disability, I cannot experience what Must be, according to my Nature, something I should be Embracing? That I cannot enjoy the Wonder of the Earth or the Universe?
At the same time, despite living in the Observational mode, there are still rules and Etiquette I must follow to survive in a community. I still need to follow certain rules and morals about many things with my Friends and Family, and obviously, in this Community. I feel bad for the error of my ways. I’m glad I know now the Etiquette I need to Function here.
Thanks for helping me, again, Blue Heron.