Introductions

I’m new here. I’m Tanner, a 20 year old male from Wisconsin. I’ve been reading about an anarcho-primitivism for about a year. It pretty much contains every view I already held, so I’m an unshakeable supporter of rewilding. I don’t plan on being in civilization forever, it’s stifling. However it works out, I’ll be in the wilderness eventually. To that end, I started taking steps to strengthen myself and prepare for an uncivilized life a few months ago. There’s still a huge amount to do, but being raised in a rural area, to a hunting family, gave me a bit of a head start.

I joined this site to talk to other people who hold these views, since it’s hard to find people in real life.

Sge:no

I go by many names, but most call me Sam G. I may be the youngest person on this forum (still in high school) but I look forward to being a part of the rewilding community.

MY STORY: (it’s long even though I haven’t lived that long)

I live in the land that the Gayok:hoño (Cayuga) once lived with. Even though I have lived here my whole life, I always had a limited connection to this place. When I could first walk, I spent my time in the woods, covered in mud. I may not have understood nature that much, and I certainly didn’t spend all of my time in nature, but I loved the outdoors. As I got older, I started spending less and less time in the woods, even though I all but lived in the woods. As a result, fate moved me away from that area and put me and my family smack dab in the middle of a windy field.

The flames of my relationship with the earth started to rekindle when, during the fifth grade, I went on a school trip to a “Wampanoag village,” which was populated by a great variety of Native historical interpreters. I remember entering a beautiful wigwam and marveling at the handcrafted tools and furs. Something about that experience caused me to stir from my civilized state, but nothing much happened.

A year or two later, during the summer, I participated in an overnight with a primitive skills-oriented camp (which I currently work at). We made 2-person friction kits and slept in primitive shelters. I didn’t have a shelter to sleep in, so I couldn’t fall asleep. Eventually I went to tend the fire. Something about spending a night around a fire, alone, listening to the sounds from the woods, awakened something primal in me. I started pursuing primitive skills and a relationship with the earth. I also became a CIT at the program I now work at. I read “The Tracker” by Tom Brown Jr,'who I currently have mixed feelings about, but I can’t deny that reading that book inspired me greatly.

Being in high school taught me much about rewilding, or more about the the pain civilization causes. My friends got addicted to drugs, had parents/siblings that abused them, or suffered from poverty. Almost all of my friends (myself included) have experienced some form of bullying, and almost all of them (myself included) suffer(ed) from depression. After tasting these aspects of civilization, I realized the vitality of rewilding. I discovered my path in life. During school breaks, I grew closer to the plant people, spending days eating mostly wild foods. The program that I work at hired me as a paid instructor. I started to realize the vitality of a community after I suffered from a debilitating injury. I felt extremely powerless due to frequent depression, and ended up hurting the people who care about me. Fortunately they understood my pain and did what they coould to help me.

Recently I’ve been learning more about myself and the world, as well as what I can do to give back to the earth that provides for me. My interests include rewilding, most aspects of primitive living, foraging, acorn processing, percussion and drumming, and (recently) learning the language of the Gayok:hoño (Cayuga) in order to better relate to the place I live.

I hope to teach and learn much from you all!

(I wrote this post in e-prime, and now I’m sweating… Oh no! I messed it up!)

I can relate to a lot of that, minus the tendon part.

Grew up spending a lot of time in the woods, then stopped. A bunch of random things happened that caused me to become more interested in nature again, until I eventually started prioritizing the wild again around high school, once I saw all the mentally and physically damaged people society had created.

I also got depressed for a while during and shortly after high school. After medication and therapy did absolutely nothing to help, I found that trees were far more successful. I haven’t been depressed for a few years.

So, yeah. It seems a bit similar.

Good work making the right decision. Many people eventually see that civilization is broken, but most of those decide the cure is more technology. It’s like trying to cure a hangover by drinking vodka. More rational people, like the ones on this forum, realize that nature is the real solution.

welcome Scout 7799… As a young man you can mold the future to your interests… bullys and those types are in every walk of life no matter how old you get. Go your own way you are on track… I recently did a primitive information class to some senior citizens group , a fight broke out between an 85 year old and 90 year old , the older fella said Im not to be bullied by the likes of you and fists were used… believe me you would not have liked being on the receiving end of the 90 year olds punch…he still had it … So it doesnt end… My first inclination was to laugh but caught myself in time … 8)

have a great time here …

Dude

Thanks Dude and OneEarth52.

Some people just have really short fuses. A few years ago, when I was a CIT, another instructor (a guy in his 40’s) started making sexual jokes around a group of 10 year olds. When I confronted him about it, he threatened me… (Luckily he got fired) This is one of many reasons why social skills, taboos, and mediating conflicts are so important to rewilding.

OneEarth, sorry to hear that you were depressed as well. It’s really sad, knowing that most young people (as well as a good handful of adults) have had to deal with it. Nature exposure is my solution to most of the problems I face. It really helps, whether or not I’m making something or doing any special skills. It’s always helpful to just relax and immerse yourself in the flow of life.

I remember that, when I first cut my tendon, one of my doctors (a general physician) made a huge deal about how I had to have the surgery ASAP. However, the surgeon who did the operation told me that I could’ve waited 3 weeks to have the surgery! (I also got her to sign her son up for the forest preschool that’s run by the program I work for! Something good came out of it)

Tanner and Sam,

Welcome to the clan! I love your stories.

And congrats on the e-prime attempts Sam - I definitely focus on the journey, not the results. E-prime can really kick your butt!

My name is John Jacobi and I am a member of Freedom Club, an anti-industrial student group at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Our main project is the FC Journal (which you should submit to!).

I am interested in learning more skills to make it in wild nature for long periods of time, and I’m interested in meeting new people.

Look forward to great discussions with you all.

welcome John … Im pretty new here as well… but we need folks to post , ask and answer … been at this for many years… primitive skills AND ETC.

lots of good people here…

Dude

Hi. I’m Roxie (my nickname). I live in New York City, but I grew up in Ohio. I am a dancer, writer and musician, and Daniel Vitalis’ work has profoundly affected my life. I like foraging, working with herbs, and thinking outside of the box. I consider myself a loving and fun-loving person :D.

Hi Roxie, welcome to the forums. Your introduction has left me wanting more.

What brought you to rewilding, specifically? What brought you here to this forum? What aspects of Daniel Vitalis’ work do you find inspiring? How did they profoundly effect you?

Looking forward to hearing more of your story.

Hey ya’ll! My name is Zach, I’m 25 years old, and originally from southeast Pennsylvania. I got into this whole world through a lot of philosophy and soul-searching. I think what started me on my journey was reading Oswald Spengler’s The Decline of the West when I was 15 or 16. Spengler, influenced by Goethe, Schopenhauer, and Nietzsche, painted a history of the rise and fall of civilizations as part of a larger organic cycle, and also wrote about how civilization was a decomposition of culture. Every since reading Spengler I’ve known that civilization is doomed, much like a madman frenetically fluctuating between mania and depression. While there’s a lot of creativity that comes out of manic depression, there’s also a lot of volatility. This to me, is the story of civilization. I wanted something more stable and “real.” I wanted something tangible, hands-on, and connected with nature, which I had always love since I was a young boy.

From Spengler, my next intellectual obsession was with Wittgenstein and Kurt Godel, who showed me an exit out of philosophy and the tortured machinations of a seeking mind. So I left philosophy for Tolstoy and his agrarian idealism, and thus ended up as an intern on an organic farm. I stayed in the organic farm world for a few years before progressing into permaculture, most of which I learned about through working on my friend’s homestead and plant nursery. Now in the world of permaculture, I began to conceive of practicing guerrilla-style permaculture in the woods and in marginal spaces. I tried it out in some places. Haven’t returned in years though so I don’t know what became of these first projects. In any case, through my friend I learned of a Wild Permaculture PDC course being taught by a couple of very knowledgeable guys in Lancaster PA. They taught a class which was essentially a fusion of permaculture & rewilding, which took advantage of those marginal spaces I had wondered about. It was through those guys I was introduced to the word rewilding and it’s surrounding culture.

Last summer I left all my things behind save a backpack and a guitar, and I walked into the woods on a walkabout journey. For about 2 or 3 months I lived the life of the trail, hiking from southeast PA, up the Susquehanna, and eventually all the way to the Appalachian Trail where I went southward for awhile through the mountains. I sustained myself mostly on wild foods through foraging, though I did fish a few times and I did have traps. I supplemented my wild diet with store-purchased protein & fat sources as needed.

Eventually, however, I found myself in a new situation, and was presented with an opportunity to live and work on some land in central Virginia. I decided it was the right choice for me at the time, and is where I need to be until I’m in a place where I am ready to put myself out there again in nature with little or nothing. So here I am now in central Virginia where I and a good friend I met travelling are managing a homestead. We are fixing the place up for the land-owner, and come spring will be doing lots and lots with the garden, including the addition of a forest garden.

Then it’s back on the trail again, to where the wind blows me next on my walkabout…

Aside from rewilding stuff, I like music, art, woodworking, running, and outdoor sports a lot.

My name is Nathan Carlos Rupley, I am 37 yrs old, am married with 2 kids, live in Ephrata PA, teach foraging classes, spent much of my early years in Kenya and Burkina Faso, Discovered Anarcho Primitivism and Rewilding in the early 2,000s, but didn’t now how to start learning the skills etc. until about 6 yrs ago. Have been learning ever since. Thanks, Nate

Welcome Zach and Nathan.

lol, Nathan I thought you were already on here.

Welcome Erica! Thanks for the nice introduction.

We definitely welcome spirituality conversations here. Under the “Village Skills” section you’ll see a board called “Spiritual Technology.”

Looking forward to hearing more of what you have learned!

Greetings, everyone. My name is James Williams. I am 26 years old, and I have autism. I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago in the state of Illinois. Autism refers to a disability that causes impairments that impact your life, but appear at first glace as very invisible.

In addition, I have now pursued my dream in life as an advocate for people with autism.

I post here, however, not just to introduce myself, but to apologize for some actions that I engaged in on this forum approximately seven years ago. I look back at the error of my ways and realize that, many years ago, I was going through a difficult identity crisis and underwent a nervous breakdown.

Seven years ago, in 2007, I joined this forum under the name “Dickens.” I chose this name randomly. When I joined the forum, I was going through a difficult time in my life. This time emerged from the age of 14, when I sank into a deep depression at the age of 14 resulting from a fear of death. This depression led me to research many issues on the Internet. Through this quest, I found Ran Prieur’s website, which linked me into the Tribe of Anthropik’s website. I learned about rewilding through the Tribe of Anthropik, and from there I learned about this forum.

The idea of civilization’s collapse also put me into a deep depression and accelerated the breakdown. The idea that everything I knew in life, my entire identity as a person, the culture I grew up with, and the language that I spoke was itself an illusion that deviated from reality and terrified me. Feeling like I was fighting for my own emotional survival, I started to challenge and argue with many individuals in the rewilding community. I won’t name names here, however, out of respect for those individuals.

Not knowing how to behave, however, I used several names and sock puppets to argue those points—many of them, but the primary ones consisted of “aksum,” “Terra,” “peaknickster,” “Taylor,” and “Dickens.” I did not know what sock puppetry was, and again, I was only a teenager at the time, a teenager with a disability. I would lie when asked when I was Taylor, not knowing what to say and still wanting to write, not knowing the proper way to discuss things. I apologize for my actions and feel sorry for them. The truth is, I was all of those people–one person, by the name of James. Finally, in 2007, I had to ask myself to be banned from several forums and website because I could not control myself and it was too painful for me to continue writing. I stopped writing as “Dickens.” I also spent the next 3 years completing high school (I had been homeschooled prior to then due to my autism).

Later, in 2010, when I finished high school at age 21, I sank into another deep depression. I started writing my thoughts at the College of Mythic Cartography, and Willem wrote back, saying things that helped me get through my depression. I also got very physically sick, and realized I had to part ways with the community, knowing I needed to return to apologize at some time.

Five years later, after going through years of soul searching and starting my adult life, I realize the time has come to return and apologize for the error of my ways. I realize now that at that time, I was naive. I thought that people were wrong because I could not understand them. And at the time, I was a teenager not knowing what sock puppetry was. Today, I realize that my mistakes lay in a lack of understanding. I struggled with understanding much of what was said here, and could not acknowledge that at the time. I realize now that much of my disagreements and arguments that things were wrong lay in a lack of understanding what I was arguing against, again, a part of my autism. I may not understand what is said here, but at least, I hope, I have the knowledge to at least not argue with others here and to accept differences I may not understand.

With this, I wish everyone the best in their journey. But I wanted to be honest. I realize the error of my ways in creating multiple identities and arguing on this forum. In addition, my Dickens account is based on an E-mail address that no longer exists (so I cannot log back onto my account even if I wanted to). I want everyone to know that my true identity is not entirely Dickens, but a confused young man named James Williams. A young man who works in the autism world, and who travels nationwide teaching awareness on autism. Dickens is a part of my past that I hope to move on from.

At this point, my autism forces me to remain in civilization despite the struggles I face in current society. At the same time, though, I have decided to rejoin under my real name so that others can know my true identity, and to move on from my mistakes. I also hope to learn about what others are doing to move beyond a culture that I personally cannot withdraw from, but at least can support others who are doing so. I also realize, in addition, how much I misunderstood so many people here on this forum. I have no intention on telling anyone what to do—just to learn and move on from my past.

I also apologize for the misunderstanding that I felt when I was a teenager. Being autistic, you live in a world of authority figures–where people demand things from you and assert that you MUST act a certain way or else you cannot live. I mistook this group as that group as well, and challenged people for that reason. I felt I was fighting for my life. I completely agree with Jason on another post here that we can go feral, even if we are never wild again. Personally, I believe that with my autism, I probably cannot go feral either. But that acknowledgment–that we can never truly be wild again–has helped me realize the error of my ways in understanding this group. I wish you all the best in your efforts to pursue your dreams.

Finally, I will say that my work in the Autism world has brought me into another community–the community of Indigenous Native Americans in the state of Wisconsin. The state of Illinois, where I live, does not have many rewilding communities. But up North, in the state of Wisconsin, a large Native community exists. This community has accepted me and helped me understand many beliefs of rewilding in ways that I can accept. It has also helped me pursue my dream in life as well.

With that, I wish all of those here the best. I apologize for my actions as a teenager. And I personally would like to thank Willem for helping me cope with my breakdown five years ago. And Willem, I may still comment on the College of Mythic Cartography. But I feel as if, although I may still read your insights, it is best to formally withdraw from this group. This group is not for everyone, and I’m sure we all can agree with that.

Civilization may isolate many people, but my Community and Family still lives within Civilization. I shall stay with my Community and hopefully, do what I must do if and when a collapse occurs. Good luck with your efforts!

At the same time, however, it is my perception that my own experiences are vastly different from the people in this group. In the end, I feel that I must formally withdraw from the group. I shall formally withdraw but with greater enlightenment and awareness. And I shall remain in the Indigenous communities of Wisconsin, a community where I feel accepted and shine in my career and in my work.

Hi everyone,

This is a re-introduction. I used to post here with great frequency and was a moderator for a while.

In the past five/six years I have changed a lot! It’s actually kind of fascinating to realize how much you can change over a few years, especially when internally you feel the same and retain a lot of the same basic beliefs.

Even though deep down I maintain a very similar worldview, the way I have responded to my beliefs has changed, which in turn has driven changes in decisions I have made in life.

Unfortunately, I am sad to report, I have not changed for the better. I have not been able to unlock myself from patterns of pathological thinking. I have stuffed down all of my feelings about what I think is truthful and real, and I have become deeply cynical, and emotionally infantile (as a result of stuffing my feelings, and also in order to hide the cynicism (which feels very ugly to me, not something I want to have shining out into the world)). I only allow myself certain feelings in an effort to be non-offensive and non-confrontational. I can’t stand faking but I keep doing it.

It is strange, but looking back on it, the most honest I’ve been with other people has been on this forum, and then once I got comfortable here, I started a façade here too. Then it was no longer satisfying and I quit posting. However I have not found a better alternative and my quality of life has worsened and I have become more entangled in rage and disappointment since that time.

Somehow in the past 5 years, I have managed to work my way up a corporate ladder and I have a shitty computer job that keeps getting shittier (and more boring yet more bewildering), while astonishingly the pay keeps getting better. My job is to write project management plans and risk management plans and quality management plans and earned value management reports, which nobody in the company ever reads or uses after I write them. I do the bare minimum or less, and I sometimes actively participate in individual acts of sabotage at work (as I am doing now, writing here instead of working - SO MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVE than anything I could do at work).

I will be billing the time I am wasting right now to a client. I have begun to suspect that the only reason why they promote me is so that they can bill clients more money for the time I spend writing these plans and reports which nobody ever reads.

I was going to an expensive therapist who cost $500/month who would not engage in conversation when I tried to talk about how the civilized human environment was damaging everything and everyone. Yet I stuck with this therapist for 2 years. I also refused to submit insurance claims (maybe I was being overly paranoid, but I didn’t want to have an “official” record of having received mental health treatment) so I racked up $10k in credit card debt. Now I am trying to pay it off by staying in this job. So far, I have been able to make a dent in this debt, and at my current rate I should have it all paid off in a year. Then there will be another $4k in student loans, and then I don’t know what I will do next but I am certainly not keeping this job. I constantly think about quitting. But rent keeps going up and up, and I don’t know what to do about this debt.

Another thing I have not been able to do is shake off the immense, overwhelming feelings of fear and insecurity that I have been plagued with ever since I realized that all civilized hierarchies collapse and this one is a) no exception and b) in the process of actively collapsing. In theory I should embrace it, but my bodily emotions responded (and continue to respond) to the news much differently! When I first started posting here it helped to know other people had similar worldviews and that I wasn’t alone, but then it got worse because I got wrapped up in thinking about it all the time, which is another reason why I quit posting.

Now on a lot of days I try not to think about it, instead focusing on other issues like structural racism, capitalism, and misogyny, and generally what is known as the kierarchy. Or I focus on superficial things. Or I feed my facebook/internet addiction. However, that immense fear remains in my heart no matter how I try to distract myself (fear on a basic material level, this nagging feeling that I should stock up on food and guns :-\ … a feeling that I hate because it turns me into a rabidly selfish person on the inside). My whole body aches from this anxiety and fear sometimes.

I have taken to telling myself that when the shit hits the fan in the city where I live, I will likely die, and in theory I am OK with that, because everyone dies someday. My newest approach in an attempt to stay “adjusted” to this world of precarity is just to try to take care of myself until it is time for me to go. So I am doing nothing to engage with the rewilding community or exploring what it means to rewild because for the past few years I have been cynical enough to think that it is pointless.

At the same time it feels really good to post on here and read other people’s perspectives and perceptions as well as your kind words to each other. It feels like maybe, just maybe, idealism and integrity is not yet dead in the world.

Lastly, I did finally get sterilized, about two months ago. I am very glad I did so, and sometimes when I think about that, I feel content, whole, and complete. I simply couldn’t live with myself if I had to raise a child in this world.

I think will try posting once in a while but only when I really have something to say…

Rebecca

[quote=“BlueHeron, post:800, topic:67”]Hi everyone,

This is a re-introduction. I used to post here with great frequency and was a moderator for a while.

In the past five/six years I have changed a lot! It’s actually kind of fascinating to realize how much you can change over a few years, especially when internally you feel the same and retain a lot of the same basic beliefs. [/quote]

Blue Heron, thanks for letting me know that I am not alone! Your words comfort me so much!

I am not here to challenge anyone anymore. I am here to learn this different worldview, especially when I realized just how much, in my professional world, I actually share some, though not all, values here.

In the end, my observations take me to a different viewpoint. But I now can learn with the Wisdom I have to respect my Values, as I still retain my Values with my Family. Thanks for helping me Resolve these issues. I shall NOT withdraw from the community. Instead, I shall remain a part of it, but now with the Knowledge of knowing how to function.

When I fell apart at the age of 18, when I first came to this Site, I had not gone to high school yet. That was in 2007. Homeschooled since then, and struggling in school. I returned to public high school at age 19, in 2007. High school, in many ways, was basically an “Escape” to me–a holding tank. I developed a social identity and thrived there, though, learning from my previous struggles. I graduated at 2010, at the age of 21.

In truth, what bothers me is the dissonance between my experiences and the experiences here on this Site. I do not Share in the Misery of living within Civ, rather, Rewilding causes me pain. Yes, I know that civilization is only 10,000 years old. But I’m in my 20s, age-wise, and it’s all I know. It’s my Community and my Family.

At the same time, like I said, I’ve built ties with Indigenous communities as well. Amazingly, these forums cause me Pain, yet so many of their values give me Hope. And amazingly, many of their Views cause me to Contradict the views here. Yes, civ is only 10,000 years old, but if the Indigenous communities view time cyclically, as my Indigenous friends do, what does that mean? Is this not another example of maintaining a value of Civ? I have grown to feel that this is not “either/or” just like light can be equally a particle, or a wave. Some things are linear, some are cyclical.

But does that make me sub-human? That because of my disability, I cannot experience what Must be, according to my Nature, something I should be Embracing? That I cannot enjoy the Wonder of the Earth or the Universe?

At the same time, despite living in the Observational mode, there are still rules and Etiquette I must follow to survive in a community. I still need to follow certain rules and morals about many things with my Friends and Family, and obviously, in this Community. I feel bad for the error of my ways. I’m glad I know now the Etiquette I need to Function here.

Thanks for helping me, again, Blue Heron.

Welcome back both of you! Thanks for sharing your journey over the couple of years.

Hello all.
Cen here - welsh by blood , now living in the stix in Bulgaria.
Found rewilding whilst looking for books on basketry.
What luck.
All the best.
Cen

My name is Kyle. I’d like to go by Kyle Ray, but people call me Kyle. I’m 23 years old and discovered Rewilding 4 years ago. My childhood was filled with an intense curiosity about animals(particularly birds and snakes), and in 7th grade I realized two things. I love trees and plants and animals and that other people do things that hurt them. This inspired me to argue and to label myself an environmentalist. It made no sense to me how humans acted towards the world. That year I also discovered something that gave me the confidence to stand up and say how I felt. With the help of my sister I found my way to my passion for Martial Arts. The blooming of my social surroundings drew my energy more towards friends and my confidence to speak my mind was mostly encouraged by teachers, which was great, but it also drew me into the school system more. I guess the acceptance of other humans was very important to me, once I found some sort of identity. High school was such a pain that I mostly acted weird to cope with my new found mild depression and draining of energy that seemed to occur every morning when I walked through the doors. After 2 years my friends and I found a way to do something with all our feelings and thoughts. We started a group focused on environmental activism and community awareness. Our projects reaffirmed my desire to make a difference, in spite of the soul-crushing effect school had. Though I half-like school because I enjoy learning it felt like it left something missing. After graduation I started college as an environmental studies major. I did some cool stuff like English Ivy removal and plant identification, but the computers and the lab work(computer-lab work) and the feeling that I was just another terms tuition to my teachers, as well as a steadily rising debt that I didn’t want to pay off eventually led me to quit. Around then rewilding entered my life and began the breakdown of my faith in civilization. That sounds like a bad thing, but it freed my mind to think outside the assumption that civilization is a good way of living, which I would call difficult and stressfull. It also gave me hope.I remember reading Ishmael by Daniel Quinn on the bus home from work. Absorbed in what I was reading, I barely noticed anything until my stop came, I stepped off and the words in my head began to resonate with everything I saw. The concrete and telephone wires and cars looked like the cage I had just read. I felt sick to my stomach.
After becoming involved with some very passionate rewilders or people who work to restore and pass on skills of living (which I don’t know how to broadly define) and participating in these efforts I started to see the possibilities that life didn’t have to stay the same and that helping the world didn’t have to happen within the civilized realm of environmentalism to such a degree, but on a personal and community level and in more fulfilling way than I thought possible. Still my own problems prevented me from fully giving myself to it. Coping with civilization seems harder the more I see it for what it is. Despite the new world of rewilding opening up in front of me I found myself in a depressed and desperate place. Not knowing where I was headed or if I could find what I needed Made me feel terribly lost. I ended up hurting someone I cared about and hurting many people I cared in the ripples of my actions. I lied to myself in order to lie to others about what I did. I did not know how to take responsibility for something that shattered my perception of myself. I left behind a lot of good things to escape the reality of what I had done. I moved and tried to start something new. I wanted to work towards rewilding and start a community with the people around me. I also started experimenting with entheogens or psycoactive substances to cope with my denial, to fit in, and other reasons. Reaching and hope and the drive of rewilding and finding something better led me to push through boundaries I held and I began to see on a human animal level the insane things our culture does. I broke down crying when my job required me to tear spiders and their webby homes from ornamental trees. Every tiny beautiful plant I ripped from the dirt felt like ripping apart myself. The emotional weight overwhelmed me. I hated seeing my friends forced to work jobs and seeing them smoking so much and that I did the same thing. In some ways smoking marijuana(if the drug reference is inappropriate for this forum please let me know so I can remove it) seemed like a pacifier. I still don’t know how to talk about these experiences. I had to see so many intelligent, caring, and talented people sucked in to things that seem to drain them. Some might think I was just on drugs. That’s not true though. I wanted to find joy and feel like a part of the world around me and I worked hard to find it. The times substances played a part I took them seriously and treated them with respect as things with something to offer, however naive that might be.
In that time my family and my health became seriously important to me. For living far away I tried to do things with them and talk to them a lot.The healthier I ate, the less tolerance my body had for dairys, grains, and sugars. I began to yearn for a place to really practice rewilding skills and I felt like I needed to get back to my family. Moving was difficult I had so much that I care about. It seemed like what I needed to do.
My family was very supportive and they gave me a lot of freedom to do the things I needed to do and were very understanding even if they didn’t understand what I was going through. Their farm gave me a place also to come to terms with my actions and some of the lies I was living. I didn’t understand until then that I had some personal things I really needed to deal with and still have a hard time facing. I couldn’t have done that without my family. They keep inspiring me to try harder.
Practicing martial arts became a big part of my life again. It still is. I started reading as much as I could about rewilding skills and philosophies and putting into practice basketry, awareness, tracking, soil and plant restoration, plant food and medicine, working with roadkill animals that I found, and archery. I also felt inspired to bring my family along with me on this journey as much as they felt open to(maybe a little more than they liked). It’s tough when it feels like I’m trying to convince people of things that I feel so strongly, but that I don’t know how to communicate. The river helps. Gives us a place to play and a way to enjoy and learn together without too much pressure. I’ve probably given a lengthy enough introduction. These days I still practice these skills and try to learn more. I have some major cowhide projects under way, as well as a few skunks, and deer. Little by little learning bird language.

I hope to talk to people who have interest in similar things or maybe completely different ones and hopefully share some successes and failures. This has been my go to site for information on skills and helpful stories dealing the struggles of rewilding side by side with civilization. I would love to be part of the conversation.